This is a season where I've felt more awkward than I have in a while. Even with the good stuff happening, it's so not what I'm used to that I don't know how to interpret it, but to take it to God and ask for discernment about it.
But in the end this will all work out for His glory and for the betterment of those around me. I don't know how this will all work out, but He's taking me down a new direction, interestingly enough the most devastated area of my life... areas for that matter.
That's why it feels so weird I guess... to finally for the first time experience some of the things I've longed for all my life, whether I realized I was longing for them or not. It's going to be an awesome ride, but there is a lot of resistance... a lot of stuff from the past that needs to be thrown off that's been entangling me.
It's all about faith... trusting in Him that He is loving, kind and desires the best. Dealing with the stuff in my life is hard... seeing the fruit afterwards is awesome. Sowing in tears, reaping with joy. Once being without, now being with... watching the strongholds of the past crumbling and new life springing up.
I am blown away with the revelations God has given me... stuff I never considered important is now front and centre and of utmost importance. That which meant something in the past is really just crap now. Family, community, multi-generational thinking, the ages and generations coming together... I never really put a whole lot of importance on these at times in my life... now it's front and centre. Give me a microphone 8 months ago, and I would've preached about one thing... give me a microphone now and I'm not sure I would even consider myself ready to preach to an audience with such revelation as I've had... because God's not done changing this heart of mine.
I've been set aside for this season to be reconstructed... a season of disassembly leading to assembly of something much better. My time will come... His promise is secure, that I will see the things He has promised, that now look so far away. At my deepest points of sorrow over my stupid actions and heart feelings in the past, comes the brightness of seeing that the strongholds that kept me captive in those things are being broken, and light is finally getting in, and I'm experiencing friendships and relationships such as I've never had in my whole life. It's going to be worth it. Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength, they will soar on wings like eagles. As much as I hope for the promised things to come... realization is that I'm not ready for it. He's got bigger plans than I realize... the character must be there to carry it first, otherwise I might be worse off getting it without having the foundations laid and strengthened before hand.
I just put this all in His hands... I can't make this happen, and I don't know where to go except where He's leading me to go. In the end this will be all worth it; He will show Himself strong. Yeah.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
You Will...
I haven't written an entry for over two months; it's not that I haven't wanted to, but because I couldn't put into words what was going on in my life. My whole view of life, and especially Christianity, was being foundationally changed and aligned to God's purposes, rather than these supposed ideas of what it meant that I had learned from earlier church experience.
The most foundational change in the past two or three months has been seeing Christianity through the lens of people keeping, rather than rule keeping. I will freely admit that I have gone through periods of my life as a Christian where I got into rule keeping, and ended up hurting other people in the process. The teachings I heard from The Rock Garden (www.the-rockgarden.com) absolutely rocked me to the core and made me realize that I was one of those people, who in trying to so hard to keep myself clean and following the rules, was leaving a trail behind me of hurt people, including myself.
And now in seeing Christian life through the lens of people keeping, which is the second commandment of loving your neighbour as yourself, it all starts to make sense why the religious leaders were after Jesus about healing on the Sabbath; it seemed to break all the rules, but really it wasn't, because He was about keeping people, not rules. Which of you, if he has an ox or donkey, will not pull it up out of a hole if it is the Sabbath? Why should then this woman who has been in bondage for 18 long years not be healed on the Sabbath?
But the process of learning this has involved the bringing up of many past issues in my life that I have either forgotten about, or repressed, or just plain thought were dealt with but weren't or I didn't even know about and they were revealed to me by His love. Going through this season was really hard, because I didn't know when it would end, and as time went on, the worse the issues seemed to be, and the harder they were to deal with. Some of them made me so angry that I didn't want to deal with them, some of them took several days of intense prayer to get through. Some days I would be so pre-occupied with it that I couldn't focus on anything, and anger and jealousy would well up inside of me... the depths of such that I hadn't felt since I was an adolescent who had serious anger and bitterness issues. It was actually kind of scary.
It was a season that I could sum up with these words: "you haven't...", or "you didn't...". Not just this season, but for that matter, much of my life that was revealed to me during this past season of healing has focussed on the "you haven't..." aspect of my life. It was so starting to weigh on me that I started to lose my enthusiasm for blasting through the obstacles He was taking me through; I would pray at times that it would finally be over, only to find another issue being brought up. The temptation to give up was so often felt, but I knew that I had no other choice but to keep following Him. Sometimes I would lose heart and nearly give up... spending hours or days to do something that might have taken only a few minutes in the past.
And so if I end here, it doesn't sound so good does it? The worst of all things He revealed to me was only a week or so ago. It shocked me, because it didn't seem obvious, but when He revealed it to me, and the dynamic it was causing in my life, it was so terribly obvious and dreadful to look at. It took me a couple of days to process before I could let Him deal with it. I finally let Him, and then since that time only one nagging thing that has been constant throughout my life... a hunger that needs to be satisfied, and He has promised to fill it.
And so there I was, in a place that most people would not consider a place where God would meet them, but God is not limited to the boxes many of us have put around Him. Standing in a salsa club, enjoying the music and getting a little dance on here and there, I start feeling the words "you will..." in my spirit. At first I was thinking it was just me, but it kept coming, and it kept happening over and over again. It brought so much joy to my heart, and I haven't ever heard God speaking this particular combination of words in this way to me. Ever since that night He has been speaking these words to me, and He's starting to reveal what they mean, and what is going to come.
I believe He has taken me through the season of "you haven't..." and is now bringing me into the season of "you will...". The promised season of fulfillment of His promises I believe is so close, if not already happening. I can see it around me, and I know it's coming. It's not about money, not about anything material or whatever like that... but it's about what I've always wanted, to be loved, and to love. He's been breaking through the walls in my heart that I put up because of all the past hurts, and opening me up to be able to love and be loved like never before.
From what I've felt Him doing in me, and saying through others and the word, is that life, and life to the full, is not about possessions or power, but it's all about love. I'm starting to feel that the greatest thing I can ever experience in my life, is to be loved and to love. Possessions are used in doing that, but it's really all about love. And I think when it comes down that, "you will..." will be fulfilled.
The most foundational change in the past two or three months has been seeing Christianity through the lens of people keeping, rather than rule keeping. I will freely admit that I have gone through periods of my life as a Christian where I got into rule keeping, and ended up hurting other people in the process. The teachings I heard from The Rock Garden (www.the-rockgarden.com) absolutely rocked me to the core and made me realize that I was one of those people, who in trying to so hard to keep myself clean and following the rules, was leaving a trail behind me of hurt people, including myself.
And now in seeing Christian life through the lens of people keeping, which is the second commandment of loving your neighbour as yourself, it all starts to make sense why the religious leaders were after Jesus about healing on the Sabbath; it seemed to break all the rules, but really it wasn't, because He was about keeping people, not rules. Which of you, if he has an ox or donkey, will not pull it up out of a hole if it is the Sabbath? Why should then this woman who has been in bondage for 18 long years not be healed on the Sabbath?
But the process of learning this has involved the bringing up of many past issues in my life that I have either forgotten about, or repressed, or just plain thought were dealt with but weren't or I didn't even know about and they were revealed to me by His love. Going through this season was really hard, because I didn't know when it would end, and as time went on, the worse the issues seemed to be, and the harder they were to deal with. Some of them made me so angry that I didn't want to deal with them, some of them took several days of intense prayer to get through. Some days I would be so pre-occupied with it that I couldn't focus on anything, and anger and jealousy would well up inside of me... the depths of such that I hadn't felt since I was an adolescent who had serious anger and bitterness issues. It was actually kind of scary.
It was a season that I could sum up with these words: "you haven't...", or "you didn't...". Not just this season, but for that matter, much of my life that was revealed to me during this past season of healing has focussed on the "you haven't..." aspect of my life. It was so starting to weigh on me that I started to lose my enthusiasm for blasting through the obstacles He was taking me through; I would pray at times that it would finally be over, only to find another issue being brought up. The temptation to give up was so often felt, but I knew that I had no other choice but to keep following Him. Sometimes I would lose heart and nearly give up... spending hours or days to do something that might have taken only a few minutes in the past.
And so if I end here, it doesn't sound so good does it? The worst of all things He revealed to me was only a week or so ago. It shocked me, because it didn't seem obvious, but when He revealed it to me, and the dynamic it was causing in my life, it was so terribly obvious and dreadful to look at. It took me a couple of days to process before I could let Him deal with it. I finally let Him, and then since that time only one nagging thing that has been constant throughout my life... a hunger that needs to be satisfied, and He has promised to fill it.
And so there I was, in a place that most people would not consider a place where God would meet them, but God is not limited to the boxes many of us have put around Him. Standing in a salsa club, enjoying the music and getting a little dance on here and there, I start feeling the words "you will..." in my spirit. At first I was thinking it was just me, but it kept coming, and it kept happening over and over again. It brought so much joy to my heart, and I haven't ever heard God speaking this particular combination of words in this way to me. Ever since that night He has been speaking these words to me, and He's starting to reveal what they mean, and what is going to come.
I believe He has taken me through the season of "you haven't..." and is now bringing me into the season of "you will...". The promised season of fulfillment of His promises I believe is so close, if not already happening. I can see it around me, and I know it's coming. It's not about money, not about anything material or whatever like that... but it's about what I've always wanted, to be loved, and to love. He's been breaking through the walls in my heart that I put up because of all the past hurts, and opening me up to be able to love and be loved like never before.
From what I've felt Him doing in me, and saying through others and the word, is that life, and life to the full, is not about possessions or power, but it's all about love. I'm starting to feel that the greatest thing I can ever experience in my life, is to be loved and to love. Possessions are used in doing that, but it's really all about love. And I think when it comes down that, "you will..." will be fulfilled.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
A Paul Experience?
Paul has often been one of my favourite characters in the Bible. I think it's because he lived his life in one way, then after conversion, lived the exact opposite life; going from killer to lover, from destroyer to builder.
I've wondered what it was like when he was confronted on the road to Damascus. We hear of the bright light that blinded him, and the words spoken to him from Jesus, whom he was persecuting. But what did Paul think of all this? He fasted for three days until his sight was restored. I can only imagine what it was like, to be a man who persecuted The Way, but then to suddenly find out that everything he was living for and putting his life into was a total sham that was pitting him against the God he was trying to serve. In rough translation, Paul later considered all of his earthly accomplishments before Christ to be dog crap, compared to the knowledge of knowing Him.
I've been going through possibly the roughest time of my life in years as I'm being taken through the earlier hurts of my life, and seeing how the foundations my life was built upon were false and completely corrupt. It has been so humbling to see that what I believed, and how I lived my life were based on lies and hurts, some of them coming without me being able to do a single thing, or even recognize them to do anything about it. And I couldn't do anything about it in the first place; I can't change myself, as I've found out so difficultly, after I tried and tried to change myself on my own strength. It can't be done. And worse yet, I could never figure out the problem; I didn't even know what had been done to me in the first place to cause such division between me and others.
Enter Jesus Christ, whom I accepted and admitted to that I could not fix my own life and that I didn't know how to do it anymore. He's taken me down a journey through my rough past to show me that He was there in every event, desiring for me to know life, and not the hurt and pain that I agonized over. He has taken me through many things to forgive others about, to repent of, and to break off of my life. Without Him, none of this comes. He's taken me to roots of problems in my life, and shown me things that I never knew about myself, but are so painfully obvious when He shows me the detrimental effects of all of this on my life. I've lived a life of hate and frustration, always wanting to find love, but never finding it, nor feeling I've experienced it. I couldn't for the life of me ever figure it out, and it drove me nearly insane. I hated so many people, and threatened harm to so many people, simply because my frustration and jealousy went unchecked and raged about inside of my heart. In bitterness I festered and stewed for years until I hated my life and wanted it to just end. All I wanted was love, but I felt I could never have it. Whenever it got close, it was one thing or another, and then it was gone. I've been robbed of much.
The pain of those times is now coming up... and it's been horrendous. I am filled with sorrow and agony that I even dwelt upon these things, and have offered them to Him to take them away from me, and by His awesome, great mercy, He has taken them away from me, so that I could be free of the hell of my past, and exchange it for the glory of the future with Him. I've been able to take my pain and my sorrow to Him, and allow Him to fill all of that with the promise of new life, being a new creation in the Christ Jesus, shabba!! I am filled with sorrow, but at the same time with joy. Though the sorrow may last for the night, His joy will fill me in the morning, and I will sow in tears, but reap with joy.
I know that this will come to an end, and by His promise to me, I will see this horrible dark cloud of my life, that has clouded and curtained me off from everyone around me, drop and be no more. I will know of His goodness in the land of the living, and I know that my heart will be taken care of in Him. How great is our God! He who is, who was, and is to come, has come to make a way, through Jesus, that our old, rotten, terrible lives and hurts, can be exchanged for the glory of God which He so desperately longs to share with each of us.
And so in my depths of hurt and pain, I wonder if what I'm experiencing is like what Paul experienced on the road to Damascus; when his entire life was shown to be based on a lie and hurts... but he was given the great call of loving and building up those whom he tried to destroy and hated. I am so grateful that after all I've done, I can come to Him and know that I have a chance in Him to love and care for those I once hated and wanted to run away from. Forgiveness has opened the way, through Jesus Christ. To Him be all glory, and honour, and power, forever, amen.
I've wondered what it was like when he was confronted on the road to Damascus. We hear of the bright light that blinded him, and the words spoken to him from Jesus, whom he was persecuting. But what did Paul think of all this? He fasted for three days until his sight was restored. I can only imagine what it was like, to be a man who persecuted The Way, but then to suddenly find out that everything he was living for and putting his life into was a total sham that was pitting him against the God he was trying to serve. In rough translation, Paul later considered all of his earthly accomplishments before Christ to be dog crap, compared to the knowledge of knowing Him.
I've been going through possibly the roughest time of my life in years as I'm being taken through the earlier hurts of my life, and seeing how the foundations my life was built upon were false and completely corrupt. It has been so humbling to see that what I believed, and how I lived my life were based on lies and hurts, some of them coming without me being able to do a single thing, or even recognize them to do anything about it. And I couldn't do anything about it in the first place; I can't change myself, as I've found out so difficultly, after I tried and tried to change myself on my own strength. It can't be done. And worse yet, I could never figure out the problem; I didn't even know what had been done to me in the first place to cause such division between me and others.
Enter Jesus Christ, whom I accepted and admitted to that I could not fix my own life and that I didn't know how to do it anymore. He's taken me down a journey through my rough past to show me that He was there in every event, desiring for me to know life, and not the hurt and pain that I agonized over. He has taken me through many things to forgive others about, to repent of, and to break off of my life. Without Him, none of this comes. He's taken me to roots of problems in my life, and shown me things that I never knew about myself, but are so painfully obvious when He shows me the detrimental effects of all of this on my life. I've lived a life of hate and frustration, always wanting to find love, but never finding it, nor feeling I've experienced it. I couldn't for the life of me ever figure it out, and it drove me nearly insane. I hated so many people, and threatened harm to so many people, simply because my frustration and jealousy went unchecked and raged about inside of my heart. In bitterness I festered and stewed for years until I hated my life and wanted it to just end. All I wanted was love, but I felt I could never have it. Whenever it got close, it was one thing or another, and then it was gone. I've been robbed of much.
The pain of those times is now coming up... and it's been horrendous. I am filled with sorrow and agony that I even dwelt upon these things, and have offered them to Him to take them away from me, and by His awesome, great mercy, He has taken them away from me, so that I could be free of the hell of my past, and exchange it for the glory of the future with Him. I've been able to take my pain and my sorrow to Him, and allow Him to fill all of that with the promise of new life, being a new creation in the Christ Jesus, shabba!! I am filled with sorrow, but at the same time with joy. Though the sorrow may last for the night, His joy will fill me in the morning, and I will sow in tears, but reap with joy.
I know that this will come to an end, and by His promise to me, I will see this horrible dark cloud of my life, that has clouded and curtained me off from everyone around me, drop and be no more. I will know of His goodness in the land of the living, and I know that my heart will be taken care of in Him. How great is our God! He who is, who was, and is to come, has come to make a way, through Jesus, that our old, rotten, terrible lives and hurts, can be exchanged for the glory of God which He so desperately longs to share with each of us.
And so in my depths of hurt and pain, I wonder if what I'm experiencing is like what Paul experienced on the road to Damascus; when his entire life was shown to be based on a lie and hurts... but he was given the great call of loving and building up those whom he tried to destroy and hated. I am so grateful that after all I've done, I can come to Him and know that I have a chance in Him to love and care for those I once hated and wanted to run away from. Forgiveness has opened the way, through Jesus Christ. To Him be all glory, and honour, and power, forever, amen.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Change
I've heard the saying that the only constant in life is change. When a person comes to know God, how true that is, because no matter where we are we will always be changed because of how great He is. Because He is infinitely greater than anything we can imagine, He will always challenge us to change to see more and more of who He is.
And thank Him that He is a loving God! The past 3 months have been some of the toughest in the past several years. I've been asked to give up some major things in my life, and also brought to realization that I have made some major "boo-boo's" in the past few years that have gotten me into some messes.
Now God is restoring what was stolen from me in the first place, and adding to it even more out of His glorious riches. But to receive that, I need to let go of the things I've accepted as the results of my mistakes, and let Him give me the good things He has desired to give me from before all of this even started.
He will restore the years that the locusts have eaten; basically all of the joy, love, peace and happiness that was stolen will be restored as I seek Him out; putting Him first, He will provide for me all the things I could ever need or want. He changes the desires of my heart to want to seek Him and the things He has desired, and all I need to accomplish it comes from His hand; every word that proceeds from His mouth is life and restoring and to be cherished.
As I head into the thick of a season of change where I will see radical changes in every area of my life (now speaking prophetically), it's going to be a bit scary at times, but I desire to trust in Him that He is taking me through this to bless not only me, but everyone around me. It isn't about me, but about Him and His purposes, that being to save people and show them His love, fame and glory, and to share it with them, amongst others.
I've needed to write this for so long; just to get this out. Thank you Lord for bringing up Scripture to encourage me, and to help me through this season where the temptation to give up hasn't been so far away. But You are faithful and true.
And thank Him that He is a loving God! The past 3 months have been some of the toughest in the past several years. I've been asked to give up some major things in my life, and also brought to realization that I have made some major "boo-boo's" in the past few years that have gotten me into some messes.
Now God is restoring what was stolen from me in the first place, and adding to it even more out of His glorious riches. But to receive that, I need to let go of the things I've accepted as the results of my mistakes, and let Him give me the good things He has desired to give me from before all of this even started.
He will restore the years that the locusts have eaten; basically all of the joy, love, peace and happiness that was stolen will be restored as I seek Him out; putting Him first, He will provide for me all the things I could ever need or want. He changes the desires of my heart to want to seek Him and the things He has desired, and all I need to accomplish it comes from His hand; every word that proceeds from His mouth is life and restoring and to be cherished.
As I head into the thick of a season of change where I will see radical changes in every area of my life (now speaking prophetically), it's going to be a bit scary at times, but I desire to trust in Him that He is taking me through this to bless not only me, but everyone around me. It isn't about me, but about Him and His purposes, that being to save people and show them His love, fame and glory, and to share it with them, amongst others.
I've needed to write this for so long; just to get this out. Thank you Lord for bringing up Scripture to encourage me, and to help me through this season where the temptation to give up hasn't been so far away. But You are faithful and true.
Monday, February 11, 2008
This Is An Awesome Time
Difficult, but awesome; those words completely sum up the last few days and weeks I've been going through. It's like something has laid upon my life the last few weeks, bringing a discomfort, but being defeated through the cleansing process my heavenly Father is performing because of what Jesus Christ did for me on the cross.
The revelation of Truth is growing so much more as the time goes on. The love He has for us, and the love He has for others. It doesn't matter anymore if I am at church, or standing in the cold for a bus, or at work and just close my eyes for a few seconds, He is bombarding me with messages from His heart, about the day and season and time we are living in.
We are in a tremendous time, when the children of God are being called to shine their light into the darkness that is so pervasive in all aspects of world. It is not a dead end street, and there is a way. Buried in darkness myself, He pulled me out of it and is bringing His light into my heart and my feelings. How great it is to see things with light instead of darkness that prevents any form of light from shining in my life at all.
How great He is, that while we have our stuff brought into our faces by the enemy, we can thank Him for letting us see that there is something not right with our world, or our lives, or whatever it is that allows for such things to happen. And we are given His assurance in Jesus Christ that He will remove the plank from our own eyes, so the we may remove the speck from others eyes. That as we shine His light, He can bring those into our lives that may actually seek to persecute or destroy, but that they might see the light inside of us and see the love of God flowing through the hands and feet of His body, His children, and turn from their ways. Is suffering really all there is? No, as I have heard someone say, there is victory over it through forgiveness, for mercy triumphs over judgement.
How great You are Almighty One, that you share Your heart, Your life, Your essense with those you have redeemed and created for Your good purposes, to share the love that overflows and is uncontainable, such that rivers of living water well up and flow forth from Your children into the barrenness around.
I give You all thanks and praise, for the things You do are always good, always pure, and You allow us to live in it. Take from me all that is not of You, and make of me a man who will follow after Your heart.
In this will I be satisfied, in knowing that I walk with You and seek Your heart, and You will come and make Your home in my midst, among the children who believe in Your awesome name. Though the struggles come, the morning will dawn, and the shadows will flee, and You will shine forever, giving life and sustenance to all things You have ordained and created from before time began.
How great...
The revelation of Truth is growing so much more as the time goes on. The love He has for us, and the love He has for others. It doesn't matter anymore if I am at church, or standing in the cold for a bus, or at work and just close my eyes for a few seconds, He is bombarding me with messages from His heart, about the day and season and time we are living in.
We are in a tremendous time, when the children of God are being called to shine their light into the darkness that is so pervasive in all aspects of world. It is not a dead end street, and there is a way. Buried in darkness myself, He pulled me out of it and is bringing His light into my heart and my feelings. How great it is to see things with light instead of darkness that prevents any form of light from shining in my life at all.
How great He is, that while we have our stuff brought into our faces by the enemy, we can thank Him for letting us see that there is something not right with our world, or our lives, or whatever it is that allows for such things to happen. And we are given His assurance in Jesus Christ that He will remove the plank from our own eyes, so the we may remove the speck from others eyes. That as we shine His light, He can bring those into our lives that may actually seek to persecute or destroy, but that they might see the light inside of us and see the love of God flowing through the hands and feet of His body, His children, and turn from their ways. Is suffering really all there is? No, as I have heard someone say, there is victory over it through forgiveness, for mercy triumphs over judgement.
How great You are Almighty One, that you share Your heart, Your life, Your essense with those you have redeemed and created for Your good purposes, to share the love that overflows and is uncontainable, such that rivers of living water well up and flow forth from Your children into the barrenness around.
I give You all thanks and praise, for the things You do are always good, always pure, and You allow us to live in it. Take from me all that is not of You, and make of me a man who will follow after Your heart.
In this will I be satisfied, in knowing that I walk with You and seek Your heart, and You will come and make Your home in my midst, among the children who believe in Your awesome name. Though the struggles come, the morning will dawn, and the shadows will flee, and You will shine forever, giving life and sustenance to all things You have ordained and created from before time began.
How great...
Monday, January 21, 2008
Exchanging The Old For The New
I'm sitting here right now knowing that I should be going to bed. But instead I am totally captivated by a song, that every time I hear it, totally rocks my boat. "Children Born of the Spirit" by Tehillah Toronto; the depth of truth in the words of this song, and the fact it sounds so amazing, just totally rocks me.
And how fitting the message of the song, for now is the year where I believe that I will continue to exchange the old in my life for the new; that the realization of what it means to be a child of God is going to continue to be developed in my life, and in time, the things that have never been in my life are going to start manifesting themselves, and are going to grow into completion in His loving kindness.
To think the Jesus Christ died such a horrible death, and took upon Himself so much rejection, just so that I could have fullness of life! That I could know what it means to be loved and to love; to know what it means to have joy, peace, patience... and all the other most valuable things I could ever have, when in my life before knowing Him, these things were never attainable.
How grateful I am that I was not on a dead end street, but there was a way out. It was through Jesus Christ. The anger, the bitterness, the rage, the torment, the torture I went through in the past, it's all being stripped away, and being replaced by a hope of love, joy and peace.
As I came towards the new year, without hearing any of the prophetic people otherwise, I felt God was telling me this coming year would be a year of new beginnings. And how I long for these new things to come... the things I've been longing for for so long are starting to come. And how He's been rocking my boat about timing!
I'm seeing so much confirmation of the things He's been telling me, seeing the pieces coming into alignment, and yet He is asking me to wait. It is tough, seeing, in the physical realm, nothing hindering me from going out and grasping hold of these things right now. But I know that in the spirit, in His will, it is not time for me to have those things, and with what I feel He is calling me into, I must listen to Him and follow His timing. It's not just about me, it's about everyone who would be affected otherwise. And why not wait... even though it's tough at times, He is more than enough to fill my days with His overflowing bounty of love. Sure the fulfillment of those things I'm waiting for will intensify those things... but already I'm saturated in His blessing.
How awesome... I totally don't understand it all, but all that really matters is trusting in Him... having the faith that He is in control no matter what is going on, and as I follow Him, His promises will come to pass. All I need to be is a child born of the spirit... one who knows that God is there, and will accomplish His plans and promises.
I get so fired up about things with God... it is my passion, and in Him I have found everything that I could ever need, and everything that I ever needed also has His favour on it. How awesome this is... for I know the other way of living... where desires are never fulfilled, and when you try to make things happen yourself. It's so much better to just wait on Him... hard as it is... so I hold close to Him, and let Him take me through the rough waters, knowing that I will be refined and come out better than going in if I hold to Him.
Lord God... all wisdom, glory, honour, praise and everything good comes from You and is for You and glorifies Your name. This nation is going into the fire of revival.
And how fitting the message of the song, for now is the year where I believe that I will continue to exchange the old in my life for the new; that the realization of what it means to be a child of God is going to continue to be developed in my life, and in time, the things that have never been in my life are going to start manifesting themselves, and are going to grow into completion in His loving kindness.
To think the Jesus Christ died such a horrible death, and took upon Himself so much rejection, just so that I could have fullness of life! That I could know what it means to be loved and to love; to know what it means to have joy, peace, patience... and all the other most valuable things I could ever have, when in my life before knowing Him, these things were never attainable.
How grateful I am that I was not on a dead end street, but there was a way out. It was through Jesus Christ. The anger, the bitterness, the rage, the torment, the torture I went through in the past, it's all being stripped away, and being replaced by a hope of love, joy and peace.
As I came towards the new year, without hearing any of the prophetic people otherwise, I felt God was telling me this coming year would be a year of new beginnings. And how I long for these new things to come... the things I've been longing for for so long are starting to come. And how He's been rocking my boat about timing!
I'm seeing so much confirmation of the things He's been telling me, seeing the pieces coming into alignment, and yet He is asking me to wait. It is tough, seeing, in the physical realm, nothing hindering me from going out and grasping hold of these things right now. But I know that in the spirit, in His will, it is not time for me to have those things, and with what I feel He is calling me into, I must listen to Him and follow His timing. It's not just about me, it's about everyone who would be affected otherwise. And why not wait... even though it's tough at times, He is more than enough to fill my days with His overflowing bounty of love. Sure the fulfillment of those things I'm waiting for will intensify those things... but already I'm saturated in His blessing.
How awesome... I totally don't understand it all, but all that really matters is trusting in Him... having the faith that He is in control no matter what is going on, and as I follow Him, His promises will come to pass. All I need to be is a child born of the spirit... one who knows that God is there, and will accomplish His plans and promises.
I get so fired up about things with God... it is my passion, and in Him I have found everything that I could ever need, and everything that I ever needed also has His favour on it. How awesome this is... for I know the other way of living... where desires are never fulfilled, and when you try to make things happen yourself. It's so much better to just wait on Him... hard as it is... so I hold close to Him, and let Him take me through the rough waters, knowing that I will be refined and come out better than going in if I hold to Him.
Lord God... all wisdom, glory, honour, praise and everything good comes from You and is for You and glorifies Your name. This nation is going into the fire of revival.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Christmas Reflections: Year In Review
When I went home last Christmas I was wondering if the changes I had noticed inside of me were really going to make much of a difference when I went back to an environment I hadn't been in since before the changes started.
I got my eyes opened!! The changes were real where I was, and they carried over into the places I hadn't been since the changes started. It was such a joy last Christmas to go home and see so many areas I hadn't been in since I was a teenager, a time when things were very different for my life.
I didn't even ask for it, but I had this desire to want to visit all of these places, and without even prompting or asking my parents we covered pretty much every place I had wanted to go. And the theme was always the same in each of those places... what He has started is only the beginning, and it's already better than I've ever had in my entire life.
When I was in those places (by this I mean specific places, or towns, or just areas) during my teenage years, I was so depressed and hopeless about life. Now so many years later, with some valleys in between, He has given me so much hope that those memories were just in the background, not the foreground anymore. He had done so much in my heart in only 6 months; now He's had another 12 to form within me a lot more.
I'm going home tomorrow for a week or so. I'm so looking forward to it, because I don't really know what to expect, and I have been needing a break for a long time. I love spending time with Him wherever I might happen to be. The walks by the river, the walks through old neighbourhoods, the walks in the snow, or even seeing those from the past that I haven't seen in years; and with a healed up heart, seeing restoration in relationships that have long been too strained and far away.
I praise Him again and again for what He has done for me, and now not only being poured into, but being positioned to start pouring into others as He has done for me through others. When I go to church this coming Sunday I will get the opportunity to pour into my one relative who goes there, rather than just being poured into as was the case last year. This year I feel I have something to give, and it is Him. Will it be preaching... probably not, but it will be a noticeable change for those who haven't seen me for some time. It will make them wonder what happened; might even prompt them to ask what has been going on. Then it's preaching time.
I've been wanting to write about this for a bit... didn't know how I was going to do it, so chose to do it this way. Hopefully some people actually read this so that they can see that I find them a real blessing. I love the church I have been brought into; He had to work on my issues before I could accept it, but I really love my church and desire to see her be blessed and every member in it be blessed. I have been blessed through her, and now it is time to join in.
When I was pondering what to write, I felt lead to Jeremiah 28; it didn't really make sense to me at first, until He took me through some issues from my past about being deceived, and the importance of speaking to His people what He wants them to hear, and not just what we think or hope things would be like. What an awesome privilege to be able to serve Him, and to be trusted with the hearts of other people to bless them and call out life in them and nurture it, but it has to be done with Him all the way. I really feel Him calling me on that... to go out and build up the body around me through speaking the words that He gives me, or the promptings that He gives me.
Not sure where that comes into play with this whole message, but He is a blessing and will make His people a blessing. I'm greatly looking forward to the coming new year and the great things He has planned for it.
I got my eyes opened!! The changes were real where I was, and they carried over into the places I hadn't been since the changes started. It was such a joy last Christmas to go home and see so many areas I hadn't been in since I was a teenager, a time when things were very different for my life.
I didn't even ask for it, but I had this desire to want to visit all of these places, and without even prompting or asking my parents we covered pretty much every place I had wanted to go. And the theme was always the same in each of those places... what He has started is only the beginning, and it's already better than I've ever had in my entire life.
When I was in those places (by this I mean specific places, or towns, or just areas) during my teenage years, I was so depressed and hopeless about life. Now so many years later, with some valleys in between, He has given me so much hope that those memories were just in the background, not the foreground anymore. He had done so much in my heart in only 6 months; now He's had another 12 to form within me a lot more.
I'm going home tomorrow for a week or so. I'm so looking forward to it, because I don't really know what to expect, and I have been needing a break for a long time. I love spending time with Him wherever I might happen to be. The walks by the river, the walks through old neighbourhoods, the walks in the snow, or even seeing those from the past that I haven't seen in years; and with a healed up heart, seeing restoration in relationships that have long been too strained and far away.
I praise Him again and again for what He has done for me, and now not only being poured into, but being positioned to start pouring into others as He has done for me through others. When I go to church this coming Sunday I will get the opportunity to pour into my one relative who goes there, rather than just being poured into as was the case last year. This year I feel I have something to give, and it is Him. Will it be preaching... probably not, but it will be a noticeable change for those who haven't seen me for some time. It will make them wonder what happened; might even prompt them to ask what has been going on. Then it's preaching time.
I've been wanting to write about this for a bit... didn't know how I was going to do it, so chose to do it this way. Hopefully some people actually read this so that they can see that I find them a real blessing. I love the church I have been brought into; He had to work on my issues before I could accept it, but I really love my church and desire to see her be blessed and every member in it be blessed. I have been blessed through her, and now it is time to join in.
When I was pondering what to write, I felt lead to Jeremiah 28; it didn't really make sense to me at first, until He took me through some issues from my past about being deceived, and the importance of speaking to His people what He wants them to hear, and not just what we think or hope things would be like. What an awesome privilege to be able to serve Him, and to be trusted with the hearts of other people to bless them and call out life in them and nurture it, but it has to be done with Him all the way. I really feel Him calling me on that... to go out and build up the body around me through speaking the words that He gives me, or the promptings that He gives me.
Not sure where that comes into play with this whole message, but He is a blessing and will make His people a blessing. I'm greatly looking forward to the coming new year and the great things He has planned for it.
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